First of all this blog will never be the one of which the pundits spoke. And although this is my first one and I would like it to be snappy, witty, clever, and poignant from Jump Street, I know me better. 

In order to protect my vast wealth and internationally renowned reputation and on the advice of my crack (smoking) legal advisors I have assembled the following Internet Understanding Disclosure (I.U.D.). This I.U.D. is preemptive in nature and shall serve as a warning lest any reader of this blog ever take anything here too seriously. Also, I will modify the I.U.D. or pull it out completely as I see fit.

  The I.U.D. 

I will not be responsible for any smiles, laughter, tears, gunshot wounds, suicide attempts, act of terrorism, lost articles of clothing, etc. arising from the reading of this blog. I will most likely take credit however. 

This blog may occasionally (read frequently) contain material offensive to various ethnic groups, religious organizations, intelligence and educational levels, political factions, sexual persuasions, philosophical ideologies, sub-species, enemies, friends, relatives, etc. I will always use my creative license (expired or not) as an excuse. 

I don’t make the news, I just report it. My job as I see it is to hold a mirror up to the world I live in. I’ll point it at what I want. You decide if I borrowed it from a carnival Fun House. Actually, I have no real life but I do have a vivid imagination, so much of what I write or post here will be made up, but I promise I won’t let the truth get in the way of a good story 

I will not write anything to intentionally hurt someone. That is, unless they do it to me first. At which point I will do all I can to make them wish they were an accused heretic living during the Inquisition. I won’t write anything to intentionally piss someone off either. That’s just a happy bonus for me. 

I will thieve the words of others at will. I will plagiarize written thoughts, song lyrics, and clever things that I have overheard, etc. Anything. Know now that I rarely have original thoughts (but I do have a good memory) and I love to flatter those that do by spreading their words. Of course I will always give credit, if I can remember to do so. 

I am a lousy typist and grammatical and syntax errors may creep in from time to time. Yes, I have a spell-check function but it seems not to work as well after three or four stiff drinks, which is precisely when it is needed most. If you feel the need to rip me over these errors please go right ahead. No matter how many drinks I have I never seem to lose my delete function capability. Oh, and I like to use commas, get used to it. 

I do not know the difference between similes, metaphors, and analogies. Nor to I care to. It doesn’t mean I won’t use them, it just means that I’m not going to carry those distinctions around in my shirt pocket like a steak bone when I’m done chewing the meat off it. Those days are milk under the bridge for me. 

I tend to write the way I talk so don’t expect any flowery prose or literary gems here. If you get the point, that is the point. Sometimes I don’t speak right, but yet I know what I’m talking about. Sometimes. 

If you think that the opinions in my words are arrogant, obnoxious, sarcastic or even mean-spirited at times you are advised to take a step away from them and consider where exactly my tongue may have been positioned when I wrote them. They’re just my opinions. But everyone is entitled to them. 

If my words on this page seem at times to be totally unrelated to the thoughts and words that preceded them you are probably right. My mind is like a spider web and I can’t always discern why I jump from one spot to another. But it still feeds me to do so.   

That is all. 

I’m dancing into the fire… 

DDM   

Currently listening to:

Agonizing screams from my basement (no really)